It’s been some time since I’ve blogged. I’m busy!!! The water calls to me in summer.
I’m planning our second vacation (we go in 3 day spurts). First we spent a visit at the amusement park, south of the Twin Cities (MN). With Covid restrictions, we learned how to adapt. The first day was planned to spend floating in the nearby lake, the second 2 were supposed to be lavishing at the amusement park –however, due to Covid restrictions changing everything we’ve grown accustomed to, I didn’t make reservations for Tuesday and the park would be closed until Weds: our final day of vacation!
I sat in my tiny AirBnB bedroom sweating as I scoured the internet for a sign of hope. See, for years vacations came with great struggle, much arguing, and loads of screaming from the ex-husband. If things weren’t going as planned in the past, I knew I should huddle up and prepare for a thrashing. So, for hours I kept the information to myself, worrying over it. I kept thinking “what will they do when they find out? They’re going to be so angry with me!”
Sometime around 7pm Rowan came to me. “What’s the plan?”
I told her the awful news as I shut the door behind me. I was balled up, inside, literally fearful of the onslaught I assumed would follow (catastrophize much?). She said, “It’s okay. We’ll do something else, Mom. Don’t worry.”
I sat there dumb. I looked at her like I was in another world. I said, “Really?” pinching myself to make sure I was hearing her right. She popped up from the bed and bounced out of the room to plan the following day out with the rest of the kids! I was leveled. All that worrying! All that sweat, and she was like ADAPTATION. It’s humbling to me to learn how I react to situations. I’ve been abused, my response is to prepare for the worst. After years and years of being in the presence of narcissists I’m feeling the freedom of being in control of my life and letting come what may. It’s invigorating!
After a lifetime of chaos, uncertainty, inconsistency, and turmoil, I finally know what feeling SAFE feels like!!! It’s so good. <3
The other day one of my 11 year old twins told me, “Mom, I used to feel like I had to apologize when you bought us things. I used to feel like I was taking too much from you. You feel safe to me. I can trust you, I know you want the best for me.” I nearly cried. She trusts me. She feels safe! She isn’t worried her father will explode on her for making a small mistake (he’s not in the picture any longer, as the girls over-heard him cussing me out and became disgusted by him). They don’t fear me losing my shit, as I’m in therapy and I’m using the tools I’m getting. They’re working!
Coming from abuse and suddenly seeing how it effected every facet of life –it’s heartwarming to know there’s this space. The healing is here. <3 We are going places and things are improving every single day! <3
The support from you (to those it applies) has been fabulous! When this summer-rush dies down a little, I’ll be uploading all the artwork I’m spitting out!
Back to the vacation:
We all agreed a visit to the free zoo and a beach day would be fun! The next day we packed up (and omg, I forgot how much time it takes for young girls and their makeup) and finally left for the zoo. It was HOT.
We walked up to the line that was clustered at the entry (a new entry place, as well. Covid rules). The person with a loudspeaker said, “Would the parties for the 1:30 tour please line up?” and I knew, once more, Covid had changed things. We found out that we were to reserve a tour space and the next slot online was at 1:45. A 15 minute wait wouldn’t kill us –but the sun was roaring overhead so we beat feet under a tall Mimosa Tree and waited.
The zoo was fun, however, the indoor spaces were open to the public and no one was wearing masks. I didn’t dare take the younger ones in (not vaccinated). We did, however, enter the rainforest area as it appeared unpopulated –only to find the mist in the air humid and choking. I couldn’t help but wonder how many molecules of the virus could stick to the moisture being sprayed into the room. There was a sloth, too. Are sloths Covid resistant? We avoided the garden atrium, much to my sorrow –but it was such intense heat, I felt nauseated. We sauntered back to our van, searched for the nearby beach but couldn’t find it, so we returned to the wondrous beach of yesterday and stayed until closing time. It was glorious!!
Our visit to Valley Fair was incredible. We walked SO much. I worried for my 9 year old daughter; she’s a light eater, doesn’t recognize thirst cues/ignores hunger cues, and doesn’t like to walk much. She trooped the whole day all the way to closing time!! We bought $4 bottles of shitty stolen water to make it by, the fountains were warm water. Nasty~ not quenching. We couldn’t help but pine for our “home water.” What is it about the home water? Lol, Duluth has such fresh, cold water, though. We’ve really been spoiled living here.
We rode every ride we could spy, enjoyed all the laughs, screams, and near-death-experiences. It was a blast; one we’re still laughing about and enjoying.
Then back to “Life” here at home? I’m stoked. I landed a dream job and now I’m a tour guide on Lake Superior. I’m loving this. <3 I had no idea I could choose a job I loved. I thought I was destined for customer service (I’m so good at ass kissing, I’ve had practice since age 2). Here I am making amazing acquaintances, my boss is an awesome woman, the company I work for is one I can feel a sense of pride about, even. I’m not working for minimum wage & kissing ass for tips, I’m doing what I love and taking strangers with me! It’s such a good job and the pay is golden. I feel guilty for not bringing my kids along, it’s so fun! Lol.
Our next vacation is camping. We are nearly packed and ready. <3 This is what living is all about! Oh, here’s an awesome site for finding free/low rate camping! www.freecampsites.net
