The more a physical item is withheld from a child, the more they’ll pine away for it. From my experience, if a child wants something, they’ll go get it even if we say “no.” I’ve learned from first hand that if I can help them receive it, I should let them buy it. If it’s too expensive, or unrealistic, we go over the facts and I let them come to their own conclusions. Perhaps, they’ll set it aside as a goal. Maybe they’ll fall out of love with it if it’s too preposterous. All I know is :
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
Like all consumers, we grow bored having “it.” We all know gratefulness wears off, and if they’ve worked to get their prized item and purchased it with their own sweat, they’ll no longer drive me mad for it! The ceiling always becomes the floor. We want a new toy… finally we buy it, and years later, we want a new one. We get all sorts of things, for instance: my house! I wanted this house so badly, I just knew it would be the perfect place. In the early days, when I drove up to it, I would look at it like a lover. The gratefulness poured out of me each time I saw it. But after years of paying mortgage payments and washing marker off the walls, broken doors, warped kitchen flooring, and having leaks, a flooding basement, broken appliances, and so much pet hair and grit, it became something I took for granted. It actually became something I detested after my marriage ended. There were far too memories everywhere, I could’t run away, though. This was my home, I put equity in it. It has worth in this money-focused world. For me, it took over 15 years for my love to wear nearly-off. But I know for other items, it’s been far less.
I am not speaking of tattoos or piercings, but rather of toys, preferences, clothing, and outer body adornments (shoes, jewelry, makeup, hairstyles).
When your child wants something, ask them how to come up with the money for it. Have them find a way to purchase or help purchase it. This gives them the deep satisfaction that they worked for it. Their joy will also spring up within you, loving parent, when you get to see them receive it.
Otherwise, just like us, they’ll want it until it hurts. They are young, it will consume their joy. They will crave and pine for it, believing with their immature minds that they’ll reach happiness –if only they had it! Let them get this lesson, don’t take it from them! Don’t tell them, “No,” dismissing their ‘need’ but rather lean into your resistance. Ask yourself why you don’t want them to have it? Is it ego you’re trying to protect? Is it too expensive? Let them work however long it takes! Be there. Let them learn, just as we did, that what we want isn’t always the best; that items cannot make us happy for long. To lose out on such an opportunity to learn while young unfortunate! To tell them what will happen if they buy/receive it isn’t learning a lesson, it’s just hearing your experience. Let them have their own! Wouldn’t it be so much better for them to learn this lesson as a child than out there, as an adult? We will be there to catch them, just imagine how gentle your life would have been if someone had done this for you when you were a kid. How much money would we have been able to put to better use, rather than spending on junk we didn’t need? We collect far too much, believing it will make our lives richer, better, more fun, etc. Truth would be the supreme gift at a young age!
From my experience as a child, and now as a mother, I know we’ll stop at nothing to get what we desire. If your child wants you to call them the gender they prefer, do it! If they want to wear all black, don’t fight it. If they wear their hair (or no hair) in a way that brings you shame, say nothing! Stop being embarrassed of your child experimenting with life. Let them try it all out, let them feel the feelings, let them taste and see –and be there for them. They need you to lean back upon when they learn that what they wanted wasn’t best for them. They need reassurance that you’re there for them, and it’s never the end of the world when a mistake is made. Never say, “I told you so.” Let your child feel life! And be there for them.
Don’t just give your child what they want, though. They need to make an effort –we need to reflect reality in the home.
#letchildrenlive, #beagoodparent, #loveyourchild, #positiveparents, #positiveparenting, #motherswholove