Something my family and I have been attempting to use as a tool is Validation.
Validating someone gives them a moment to have another person recognize your suffering/fear/excitement. Validation makes a passport useful. Validation gives a person an opportunity to lessen their emotions and endure their hardship just a skosh more.
What we’ve been doing it this: if someone is experiencing difficulties with their sibling and come to me saying, “Mom, _______ is being mean to me and I am sick and tired of them.” My response has to be a present response (not worrying about the past or future, but right here in the now) I need to set aside what I’m doing and acknowledge their issue. In the past (and still, when I am having difficulty staying here in the present) my response is usually, “Well what were you doing to them?” –that’s invalidating. I took their problem and whipped it around at them. My now response needs to be one of comforting and acknowledgement (in other words Validating). I can use many phrases to address it, but the best ones are responses that validate. “I’m sorry your sibling is doing these things to you. You must be so irritated to have this interfering with your game. What can do for you to help? ”
By merely seeing your child, responding by pulling our eyes from the smart phone and give them some time to be heard is enough to calm their little bodies enough to make logical decisions. We all need this!
See, validating makes us fee important, and our kids need it just as much, if not more than we adults need it –so do it.