I have only so much energy to expend throughout one 24 hour period. Someone, somewhere decided to label Energy with the word Spoons in the psychology world. I suppose it’s about how many spoons in a drawer you can carry and how loud they are when they hit the floor, how difficult it is to gather them together, and also how exhausting it is to find, then wash them all…
So, I only have so many spoons to talk about or listen to certain subjects, to support and encourage emotionally dysregulated children, to work with, placate and even pamper emotionally illiterate adults, to go out, to stay in, to get chores done, to run errands, to do self care…
I have so many spoons some days, and so few others…
It’s a matter of importance. What is worth the trade-off? Precious time wasted or spending it wisely, fulfilling and refilling my cup?
I have had enough exhausting blow-outs and been scapegoated a lifetime’s fill of family drama. I’ve tried hard to make people love me, even those who would instinctually care; I’ve only got so many spoons left to dig for good, caring people to spend my time with.
I am out of spoons for the draining, demanding, expectant, controlling, and entitled.
I will change for no one unless it improves my mental and emotional status. I need no one’s direction, no book to guide and control me. I have free will and I take it.
No one deserves my love, no one can demand it; it is mine to share or keep to myself. I will not bend to another’s demands any longer; I am whole. I am me. I am regulated and emotionally literate. I am love. And I am lovely.
Finally, I see it.