School is officially over for the neighborhood. My oldest still-in-school finished her college prep school Wednesday. What a change this school has been for her!
For the past five years since I’ve been on my own, I’ve watched this little girl grow from an innocent, ‘wild child’ who took no crap, into an exhausting, co-dependent addict –just like her mother (me)! I placed her and her siblings in a back country school to keep them from the influences of the city, I guess, only to have her come home talking like she’s from the streets of a large city with an attitude of “gimme.” She had friends I worried for, sneaked out at night to get drunk and try new things, and she disrespected me at every turn. I didn’t know what to do with her. I took no responsibility for her behavior, I threw my hands up, exasperated, and shouted at her, “What do you want from me?!?” Like she even knew, she had her head spinning from all the changes in her life. Nothing was making sense to her, either.
She had many friends, she’s a lot more like myself than I was allowing myself to see. She ended up going to a meetup place in our neighborhood to “kick some ass” of a classmate that her friend was angry with. When they arrived, she soon realized it wasn’t another classmate they were going to fight with, but rather it was her! She fought back, hard and ended up power-walking home; rethinking her life. She was livid when she came in the front door; shaking and fuming about the betrayal. I enveloped her with a hug, not knowing what to say nor what to do to ease her internal volcano. That was the best thing I could have done. Just listen and support.
After days of bullying we contacted the school and the video sharing stopped (yeah, the punks recorded it). She finished out the semester with failing grades, and I suggested she change schools to a college preparatory school here in the downtown district of the city. I was fearful for her, though, she was only 14 –she’d only been in our suburb and out in the country. How could I let a little girl walk around a great, big city? She had “street smarts” but I worried none-the-less.
After we had a tour and she decided to try it –for a little while, we enrolled her in August 2018.
By the time Christmas rolled around, she was starting to succeed in her classes and she began to become addicted to the feeling of accomplishing things. She was placed in Advanced English (because she reads and writes a lot, every day) and pushed through with good scores. Her achievements were lifting her higher; she was offered an Advanced position in two more courses. She even quit a great paying job to devote more to her studies.
Well, I’m so proud to say, she’s passed her Sophomore year with a 3.6! Not only that, but she’s determined to succeed with her intelligence and skills. She’s been given confidence, and her teachers have always shown her they believe in her. Not only that, but since I’m improving my mothering/fathering skills, she’s spun completely around and is a joy to be around (most days, haha!). She’s focused on improvement! I’m so proud of her –and of me for becoming the right mom for the job.
I’ve learned to listen. Don’t try to fix, repair, or step in. Just listen. Let them figure out what they want, I can provide what they need.
Also, I’ve become more open to being less judgmental. When shit hits the fan, I am battling the inner, irrational, fear-monger with “shhhh, listen” and I’m listening. She’s become more open and feels she can trust me, now.
She’s got plans, this one. She is planning on learning abroad in Germany, if that’s possible (thanks Trump, now everyone hates Americans), for her Junior or Senior year, and she’s planning a trip out to Germany, Italy, Africa and Britain next summer.
This girl is on fire!!! I’m so excited to see her succeed. She’s becoming an independent, strong woman. I think she’s going to make huge changes in our future.