I’d like to state for the record that I removed my children from schools outside of the home. I have one child still flip-flopping on the decision, as she goes to a college prep school and loves it there…
No more anxiety attacks when the automated mass phone alert from the school calls about a lockdown.
No more breakdowns over their riding away in a squeaking, rusty bus full of crabby children and one bus driver.
No more crying jags of guilt over ditching my teacher role for them.
No more anxiety about mistreatment and denial from the teachers and staff.
No more denial.
No more regret.
I’m home schooling my children, our way –and we’re not going back! I may have to live off of peanuts to do it, but I’d just as soon rather! I’d rather be homeless and live off the earth than endure one more moment of what “normal” people do. Yuck!
Yes, you’ve got that right. I’m a divorced mother of 8, and 6 of those are still school-age. I work part time, I’m writing/illustrating a book, and I’m homeschooling. I’m making minimum wage, plus tips and I take on freelance writing when I can, although, I believe ghost writing is not for me at all. I feel like now I can’t even trust anyone after looking at the jobs on UpWork… “Call my psychic hotline, stick to this script.” No. “Write for my website. It will be under a different name (heheh, mine of course) and I’ll get all the credit. You’ll get a check. Here.” No. Fuck no. Now I don’t even want to read other people’s websites. Anyone could be writing for someone and there I go thinking they know soooooo much, admiring and honoring an equal, unequally. It makes me disappointed. Do your own work!
This was my experience: I took on a job writing for some youth ministry program and I poured my life into writing about sibling rivalry. It was mind opening. I changed everything in my life to make the article completely authentic; it changed us for the best. I poured life into that article. It was phenomenal! They gave me $100. I felt raped. I felt cheap. I felt disgusted. There was all my hard work and it’s now pegged underneath some other asshole’s name. It should be this asshole’s work, not that one’s! To make my family’s life feel even more tranquil and glorious, I’m now a Wellness Advocate for doTERRA oils, please purchase from me if you’d like to support us while getting something wonderful. I recommend the Kid’s Oil Collection and/or the Family Essentials Kit . I’ve been rewarded with the wonders of Lavendar oil, which stopped severe swelling on my daughter from mosquito bites and paired with Ylang-Ylang, assisted sleep issues. I’ve used DigestN Blend for tummy troubles and wow! I’ve gotten great results for pain relief of joints and muscles with Deep Blu lotion, too. *Be careful with Melalucca –it is toxic to our cat and dog friends.
Otherwise, we’re waiting for our Chrome Books to arrive Friday (tomorrow!) so we can begin enjoying learning even more!
For homeschooling, my plans are:
- NO judging. NO grading. NO discouraging. Only encouragement and credit will be doled out for work done.
- Library is within a short bus ride away.
- A helper or two who will bring advanced maths, engineering, home economics and the Czech language.
- The internet has everything humanity as ever known, thinks it knows, and knows… why overlook it? Teach the kids how to utilize it to their fullest potential, then let them go! (parental controls, settings and observation WILL be adhered to, shhh). Interest based learning will go much farther than boring lectures. Learning works best when it’s done fun! I’m going to aim for interest, entertainment, and information last. Get this group of amazing people learning non-stop!
- Games, manipulatives (toys, puzzles, fidgit spinners), and art. Lots of art.
- Online Math, a monthly subscribed Chemistry set, a microscope to add to the computers, and even maybe they’ll dive into their Grade Workbooks (from Sams Club) when it’s raining outside.
- OUTDOORS!!! So much outside time it hurts. That’s where I learned my most valuable lessons…
I’m super stoked! So are they! Everyone except the 15 year old are willing, and that may just take a little more time. So far we have not done any “school work.” The kids have enjoyed outdoors, roller bladed, played a lot of survival Mine Craft and Dungeons & Dragons and they’ve been working on their companionship roles. We’ve been addressing bad behaviors without pointing fingers as often. We’re working on our communications skills. We’re using Validation and honesty and we’re trying to figure out ways to disarm triggers by using soft, gentle words rather than offensive ones.
In fact, my oldest daughter and I have written down a curriculum idea for Language. Instead of focusing on the tedious prepositional phrases and add-on sentences, diagramming and labeling, we’re focusing on getting your words to say what you need. We’re still in the process. If there’s any interest, I will be happy to share it in the future!
*I must update on my relationship with my son*
He left our home when we were in terrible chaos. He was full of anxiety and everything was weighing on his not-ready heart. He fled. It hurt me, personally, as I knew I hadn’t been able to prepare him enough; I’d been so sick with depression and anxiety, plus I was underneath the belief that I wasn’t worthy and my extended family only seemed to prove that. Since he left, I’ve grown and the time has given me reflection. I am creating mountains of love within myself. I’ve been able to see my worth and the worth of others, but not in a comparative way any longer (although at times I fall into that way of thinking, again; deep neurological ruts!) I reached out to him with kindness, I don’t rush to judge –in fact, since I shut down all those programs that I used to have running non-stop, I’ve been able to respond instead of react to outside stimuli. I’m able to breathe through and respond after consideration. I’m not jumping to conclusions [as often] and I’m recognizing when I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, finally. There’s just no reason to get my panties in a wad over things I cannot change.
Well, he and I have come to understand each other. I get it now why he left. It wasn’t to hurt me, it was to help himself out of his trouble. He had to escape. I had nothing more to offer him; he’d exceeded my knowledge banks (at the time I was beneath far too many issues to stop and process what was good around me). I didn’t raise him to be a fighter; he had to run away. I had to push him out of the house because he wasn’t acting as a cog in this wheel; our family. We both get it. I hope that we’ll keep on climbing higher with our deep talks and mind opening discussions. He’s helped me grow so much.
In fact, all of my children have grown me up. I realize that the moment may come sooner for others, but to stop throwing a tantrum, fit, argument, disagreement, fight after not getting what we want is the moment that we become adults. Let me say that again; when we accept our circumstances without throwing some kind of a rebellion and move forward, then we are adults. Practice it in every situation. Stop sweating the small stuff. Stop putting so much energy in things that are trivial. I had to stop reacting like a young girl over small shit my kids would do –I’m still learning to!
For example:
Just 2 days ago, my daughter is doing project-based online school and the Blackboard session was supposed to begin at 9 and it was 9:30. I was dropping off her older sister at school, and after, I called her and she was still sleeping. The phone went dead after her oldest sister began to wake her up and I was shouting into the phone, sitting in a parking spot, acting like a fool. So what if she missed 30 minutes? Who is going to be angry? What are they going to do? What’s the worst they could do? What can I do about it? Nothing. So, why would I waste another 30 seconds or more feeling fury over something I cannot change? Why would I choose to stay angry? What good will it do to me or her? Just go home and see how she is. What a feelings roller-coaster ride! When I got home 15 minutes later, she was surprised to see me calm and not shouting at her –besides, she’d known that the class actually began at 10:30 and she was taking care of it all. I was humbled and proud at the same time. The fight within is painful; the struggle is real, man. Living negatively is pointless. Putting all of your energy into the mistakes of another is exhausting; let alone embarrassing to recall the reactions.
One more thing…The things we say when we’re not present, we can truly crush a child’s heart and dash their hopes to the floor. Let’s make sure that the words we say to them are thought through a moment or two before. They need us to be strong and have our wits about us. That’s how we expect them to act, isn’t it? Well then, we need to play the part. No more spazzing out on our kids, deal? Deal!
I’m growing up right along with them. They’re exposing my weaknesses, they’re playing my loops. I recognize the loops and I’m making my own strides in correcting my reactions. I’m turning the reactions into longer pauses for reflection –leading me to a present mind; one that responds, rather than reacts. I’m adjusting and helping my children to recognize the breaks in their own loops, and I’m showing them my successes by simply living among them; enjoying their presence and loving them, always. Damn, I mess up a lot, but I’m improving all the time –like a guitar string, I’m tuning this life!!
Let’s keep on loving our children and offering them our best!