Whoooo!!!
Feeling safe, not being beneath layers of trauma –not living underneath a controlling force, and doing work because I desire to learn has been the ultimate gift to myself!! I just ended my final week of college for Spring semester.
If only I had a safe environment while growing up… I am finding that I’m incredibly intelligent and my knowledge was stunted due to an insecure childhood and home-life.
What a difference safety and support can make in one’s life!!!
Amazing to see — for my 48th year of life my grades were A’s and B’s –and I took some of the most challenging courses I’ve had, yet (I took 2 years of Japanese!). Algebra forced me into facing the jumble of letters with numbers –powers and factors, variables and exponents –it was fun! I cried! I rejoiced! I dreamt algebra, m’dudes! Creative writing non-fiction was a surprise course I took last minute –and it ended up being one of the best courses ever, nearly effortless at times. I swung an A there, too! English Composition II forced me into tears like 3 times, in fear of failure. I suddenly saw how demanding –how much of a perfectionist I was –why didn’t I allow myself to make errors? Failure was a …well, failure! I feared failing, focused hard on succeeding, and paper by paper I got there. It helped having leaders and instructors willing to admit their teaching skill wasn’t effective, choosing new ways to try –and succeeding together. I was taught so much about myself this semester.
Also, loads of you thought (as did I) that I’d be finishing the semester with a degree in my belt. I was sadly disappointed mid-way through the 16 weeks to find that I needed 3 more courses –and I may be run out of financial aid. That slammed me hard, but reset my pov -why was I going back to school, anyway? Was it to get a degree? Nope. I wanted to get knowledge –a degree was the bow on top. So, I pressed forward, rather than listen to old me and quit. I am proud to say I succeeded and now feel confident to finish many of my book projects, and soon.
With it I learned I can achieve whatever I set my hand to. I am getting confirmation left and right that positive behaviors, positive mindsets, and positive actions create more and more positive things –the same holds true for negative. I know that, too.
The oldest five of us have gotten our vaxxes, we decided it’s adaptation, this is evolution. If we linger, we may fall behind. I see the mandate for masks was dropped in Minnesota. Nearby gas stations (where tourists frequent the absolute most) have taken great delight in their freedom. I have to find new and imaginative ways to achieve shopping goals, since 3 others cannot get the vax and the vax can’t prevent odd strains. It’s sort of disheartening, we were considering things may start reaching a normalcy in time… to me, this looks like masks are going to be the badge we can recognize as those of the considerate. Those already not masking and raring to unmask seem to think no one has had it as hard as they have, and that they don’t have to cow-tow to anyone’s advice. They’re rebels, and honestly, their rebellion is gonna get ’em a virus… I see a thinning of the herd, soon, sadly.
My experience with the vax: Day 1 ok, went to bed early (8pm); Day 2 exhausted in waves, needing to sleep over 14 hours, in bed by 6 pm, downloads suggesting I life and begin, anew, strong; Day 3 exhausted, trying to accomplish things but taking 2x longer if not more, needed 3 naps, 20 mins-2 hours, really growing patient with waiting, although wishing I could accomplish things; Day 4 (today) feeling like me, but not strong enough to keep up my normal load. Still needing a nap.
Back to art and my creations! I am getting ideas and paintings ready, sketched an in mind. I haven’t created any artwork in so long, it’s going to be great! I am installing a giant veg garden, herb garden and patio. I’m ready to kayak, to write, to build and create. I hope to release a book based on childhood trauma, a children’s book on arriving upon Earth, and even a preteen guide on puberty may be in the making, too. Boy, there’s a lot to do now that I’m back, but I am so glad I’m here. I love my family, my home, my yard, my life. I love knowing numbers better, too. I can see the order in the chaos of Algebra, finally! I love how math is art, art is music, it’s all relative.
It’s a good life. I look forward to see what we all do with it!