When I stepped away from the trash fire,
I was shaking and scared of the world.
You mocked me and said I couldn’t do it.
You directed, “Take him back now, little girl.”
You said that your God wouldn’t permit me
I’d be damned; like a top, spin out of control.
But the only reasons that I flew out of sorts
Was due to lacking support and your power flow.
Sadly, you knew that if you had no faith,
You’d land yourself in a den of debauchery.
But I’m not you. I’m not anything like you.
You taught me what not to do, who not to be.
Faith in a deity doesn’t equal a good heart.
In fact, the opposite is true.
You brainwashed me for long enough, Mom,
Saying your wishes and beliefs were my truths.
No matter how much you manipulate things,
Your faith in your deities is your own.
You hourly schooled and scolded for compliance,
In the end, it’s your charade being shown.
Your hokey religion and ancient weapons
Are no match for Corellian, nor Hutt.
I radically accept you can’t understand love,
Only control; it’s good I’m leaving your butt.
Goodbye, this hurts, and I do love you,
But I love my kids and myself, equally so.
I cannot raise my children in your dark light,
I refuse to endure what you throw.
You’ve proven I can’t set my trust in you,
You’ve shown me you can’t love unless I obey
But my life is my own and I choose to live it,
I believe that I do get a say.
I won’t deny that I fear the future time,
The day when I get that dreaded call.
But I know that I did what was best for my sanity,
I chose the best present for us all.
I’m breaking the curse in our family,
I’m choosing my kids’ mental health over a man.
Unlike you, I have learned from my errors,
I take responsibility and I take a stand.
To understand further, please read this BBC article.
I’m not the only adult who’s choosing their children’s happiness over their parent’s.
Abuse such as intolerance, denial, self-righteousness, racism, and insistence of compliance isn’t a relationship, it’s toxic.
No self-loving human would endure such treatment, and anyone choosing to stay in a relationship such as this will slowly degrade and become what their tormentors insist. Children are VERY aware of abuse and chaos; they’re in tune with their parents, constantly learning how to behave, how to grow, how to live. When they see their parent suffering due to a grandparent, other parent, sibling or neighbor, alike, they speak up.
I’m not a child anymore, and when I was, I wasn’t allowed to balk, wasn’t permitted to stray.
I am a truth teller, ex-golden child, scapegoat, and jester, and this is my story.