I’ve been considering an awful lot — with so much time on my hands and all. I am finding it difficult to fit everything I need done in the day due to a lag in my motivation. I believe I’m still grieving the family sever from last month. Then Covid19 popped up, I lost my job (whew), and spent 3 weeks calling unemployment, unsuccessfully, over 50 times per day. I finally got through last week & am still trying to get it all verified and accepted.
My teens snuck out after curfew and didn’t follow social distancing rules, so I had to make the absolutely difficult and nearly impossible decision to quarantine them together. I disinfect, they disinfect. The first 2 days were the most challenging. The 15 year old was close to losing her mind, certain she’d kill herself or jump from the roof, anything that would get her out of her room. I have been studying the Vagas Nerve & the Polyvagal Theory. I recognized that she was in Fight mode, prepping to drop down into shutdown. I texted her (I’d have shouted in person) and told her all of the information I could find about Covid19. She learned everything I could give her, she heard my concerns, she heard my fears, too and afterward she apologized and was truly sorry she’d done what she did. The 13 year old was remorseful immediately when she learned the gravity of the situation. They just didn’t believe this virus was a thing. –and if it doesn’t end up being a big deal, these two girls have taken 14 days to sit, indulge the hell out of their screens, and been forced to eat healthy as hell, 3 times a day & no midnight snacking (aka: raiding and emptying the kitchen). It’s been really good for the smaller kids, too. For some time now, the two older ones can’t influence nor model bad habits. I’ve been able to focus on the three youngest –giving them a lot of one-on-one, like they need so desperately. I wish I’d have considered how much nurture, care, listening and love there is needed to give a child for them to grow up with good programming. The role of mother isn’t to be taken lightly.
I’m painting and posting vlogs every few days on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaukl8xoF0-H-YNLMLf1xBw?view_as=subscriber, but I’m fighting a frenzied, fearful being within myself which gets me believing I’m not getting anywhere nor am I getting a damn thing done. That’s just not fair, because I’m doing stuff!
In fact, I was longboarding the other day and took a giant spill onto the concrete. I’m pretty banged up (yes, I was wearing protection –everywhere I wasn’t protected got bruised or scraped bare). I’m trying to rest and keep low, getting the bare essentials done.
My washing machine bit the dust. Grrrrrr!
The refrigerator is leaking from some unknown place, I keep trying to figure it out… and our oven is on it’s last legs (someone gave it to us in 2018). I’m considering trying to get a set with my stimulus money, but I’m not sure where, just yet.
I’m making my votes with my money, by the way. Where I choose to shop is where my vote goes. That’s who I support.
Damnit, I have to buy some things from Walmart… I detest what they’re doing with their employees. those folks need hazard pay.
We are healthy, focusing on learning, creating our home into a better place to spend time, and resting an awful lot. I figure, if we were given loads of time to laze around then we should. Perhaps we need to be learning kind ways of diffusing arguments, ways to engage with combative people, and the language of love during this time. Perhaps we need to rest our bodies so that they are fat with healthy white cells readied for war, and ready to fight and win against Covid19. I’m not sweating it any more. It’s just too much bullshit to endure. My phone is dead at this time & I want it to stay that way –I bet the kids do too. Spending time with the kids 100% has been wonderful! I like not having to go to work for some rich white guy. 🙂
And, I’m focusing on what to do for the future. What do I want to do? What am I good at & what do people want? Hmmmm.
I’ll just keep making my art, then, cus I don’t have answers.
Be well & try to be safe and socialize from a distance <3