So, I’m coming up to the 1 month of working, while parenting with positivity. I must confess, before July I had a long, tear filled afternoon talk with the kids. I admitted that I’d tried my best and that if within one month we haven’t made amazing changes to each and every one of us I would admit defeat and release my parental rights to the state. I told them that I’d been trying for a long time to get them to recognize their abuse towards each other and me. I told them their need to recognize myself and their siblings as fellow beings with desires, interests and dreams that are equally important as their own. I told them that since I’d been trying I’d reached my strength’s limit, I felt the noose tightening and I was willing to release the fight, for I care for them and I’m obviously not doing things right. It’s not fair to them to be raised by a mother who’s recovered from a lifetime of mental illnesses, and true love inside of me wouldn’t hold them from their freedom. We cried, took each other’s hands at times, hugged, giggled, and came to a family agreement: To Evolve. We had until August 1st to make the shift. I don’t know what pushed me to this decision, because it was agony to do –but I know in my deepest of hearts that I will be doing the right thing either way, because it’s for them.
We agreed upon some “buzz” or safe words to use when met with an obvious malfunction (example: “I am not screaming! I’m not screaming!!” is calmly met with “The shrieking eels.”). We have been using them a lot and we are changing a lot! This transformation brought about an unbelievable amount of pain with it to everyone and a lot started spewing out of 7. Poor little girl has been shushed and treated like a dolly rather than a being; she’s had a lot of hurt to spray. Each time a sibling got near her, the resentment of past cruelty would ghost the room. She’s had to heal and recognize some of her broken loops –but we’re getting them! She’s not a broken old being, she’s got a fresh mind with a lot of logic, she’s going to start recognizing things on her own. The lessons are showing through the changes and the pain.
Also one of the 9s had a difficult experience recognizing a bullying attitude. Then her twin had the very same lesson only hours later! It was rare. They both had to concede with the Universe, today had a lesson for us all: don’t change things for only you, make sure you think of others, too (don’t change the chalkboard chore lists to suit you and leave another high & dry, and don’t assume because you wrote on the chalkboard after someone else did the job, you can still claim you did it –because technically, you didn’t.)
The month has been long, hot and delicious. See https://facebook.com/yourdalaimomma for more pics!
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So, as August approaches, I have no doubt in my mind, despite the negative comments my own mother would say, unfortunately, my children are in the absolute best hands. I’m treating them as equals, our last dentist visit even had events that pushed me to stand up for my child and remind the dentist that children have feelings. I’m allowing them to vent out their feelings, pouring it all on me and trying my damnedest to not take anything personal. It’s so difficult. But honestly, it makes no sense to go towards a child who’s losing control with anger, hostility and punishment. It isn’t logical to see a child (or anyone for that matter) feel their feelings, and shame or badger them into feeling what you want them to feel. It makes much more sense to hug them and listen, say nothing and let them feel. Let them reach conclusions and process things.
That’s what we get in therapy (minus the hugs), that’s why therapy works.
I’m excited to see the way this family will turn out! We’re not coping with life and each other, we’re actually conversing and enjoying each other. We’re teaching each other how we want to be treated. Mistakes are good!!! It means we’re learning.
Also, excited to start creating the coming school curriculum.
I’m still working on the book and it’s going roughly. Some of the memories are very painful to work through and I break down crying a lot. I’ve only been able to get through 2 or so pages in this week’s time, due to the struggle and resistance I have of going towards and into that pain. It will be sweeter on the other side, though. This I know, for it is repeated in all of nature.
I will not quit my role as parent. I understand all of the glossed over important things my ancestors didn’t want to do and I’m pushing through and doing them, regardless the pain. I’m done flinching. I’m not a victim. I am strong and my hugs are powerful, not to mention my love capacity. Man, that’s off the charts. 🙂 I encourage you, burned-out parents, go that extra mile and poke into the wound, see what you find you’ve been refusing to learn all these years. Go on! See what’s in there! but maybe wait until August 1st…
The end of the Mercury Retrograde is coming. This bumpy ride will smooth out soon. So many feelings and expressing is still coming …stay tuned!